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When NLP and dating converge….what?

February 24, 2009 at 5:34 am

I promised that I would follow up on yesterday’s post about my boffo weekend in Orlando attending Richard Bandler’s “Persuasion Engineering” seminar. Well, here I am still vibrating a little from overexposure to hypnotic suggestion. Let me qualify, that would be happily overexposed.

If I can’t overdo something then what’s the point?

Kidding aside (which is hard to accomplish post two scrumptious Belgian beers), spending time at Bandler central was not just 72 hours of bliss, there was some learning in there, as well.

Persuasion Engineering, as you probably construed, addresses matters that apply to the wonderful world of sales. Before we close any sort of sale, we must first be persuasive. In NLP your ability to do this has a lot to do with observation of both your subject’s behavioral patterns and your own. It really pays to first learn what your own patterns are before playing with a real sales subject.

Without regurgitating the entire text of Richard Bandler’s books, Get the Life You Want, Richard Bandler’s Guide to Personal Trance-formation, and, oh yeah, Persuasion Engineering (written with John LaValle), it goes something like this:

It’s in our best interest to identify where our subject “lives” in a spatial way. When he/she talks about what they love or what they consider a satisfying purchase, we need to watch for cues. Where do the eyes go. What area are hand gestures being made. How does the skin color change.

Then we must watch the cues for the opposite experiences. Things that were less than satisfying or even agitating. It’s more than likely that eye focus and gesturing will fall in a different place.

Once we figure out  where different kinds of reaction reside, we can better “place” our suggestions in places that our subjects will respond to in the ways in which we like. This may sound manipulative, but nobody ever said that selling was anything but. How you infuse your selling exercises with integrity is between you and your conscience.

There’s much, much, much, much more that goes into reading energy and body language in a sales scenario or any kind of communication situation at that.

As I watched Richard  and his ace speaker/trainer, John LaValle present the tenets of NLP as applied to the sales environment, I kept getting flashes of Jess McCann’s formula for successful dating.

Based on tried and true techniques from the sales arena, Jess McCann’s book, You Lost Him at Hello, is pure NLP. And, after checking with her today, she assured me that she was unfamiliar with NLP. (It’s pretty clear that sales training techniques “borrow” a lot from Bandler’s work!)

Leave a date at the height of impulse. Make sure you “model” the communication habits of your dating partner. These are but two qualities that Jess’ power-sales dating and  Richard Bandler’s “Persuasion Engineering” have in common.

It’s all about kind and gentle manipulation. Taking control of the situation with such subtlety that your subject won’t know what happened to them. Close the deal with a buyer and “close the deal with any guy you want.”

I did have some personal attention at the seminar and was one of those people who was called to the stage to sit on a high chair and have my arm hang in mid-air as I was hypnotized by Richard.  Apparently, the smile on my face was telling. Especially when widened, and widened again, and then again, on command.

I have great respect for Richard Bandler’s work. I appreciate his dedication to teaching how to never be bound by self-imposed limitations. I admire his devotion to possibility. Even in a not so happy economy he instills confidence. “Make yourself indispensable.” And, if  bread lines are in our futures, “go into the business of making the best bread.”

I highly recommend experiencing at least one of Bandler’s live workshops. I know you’re going to buy his books, but take time out to work with the master.  And, whether you’re selling something or out there trying to reel in your one big soul mate of a fish, this NLP stuff might get you there a little faster.


Comments (3)



    Comment by KimMarch 3, 2009 @ 4:40 pm

    Hey Bob,
    Keep an eye on their website: for their events. They keep pretty much under the radar but are really an amazing crew. Come over here and let me hypnotize you!!

    Comment by KimFebruary 24, 2009 @ 12:50 pm

    Sounds like it was a terrific event. I wish I knew about it; I probably would have joined you.

    Comment by Bob BurgFebruary 24, 2009 @ 12:19 pm

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