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Can I borrow your hand sanitizer? A guest blog post from Allia Zobel Nolan

April 29, 2009 at 9:38 am

worrywart-prayer

I love book fairs….at least I did until recently. I used to really enjoy meeting new people, talking to them and shaking their hands, looking at the pictures of their cats, kissing their kids.

A thing of the past…at least for the present…and why? Because a bunch of pigs didn’t cover their mouths when they said “Ah-choo,” and we’re left with the consequences: Swine Flu.

Now, Book Expo America is about a month away. And I can just imagine the scene. No hugs and kisses on both cheeks when you meet old friends. Maybe a wave from across the floor…that is, if you have protective gloves on. And at my signing, I guess I’ll have to wear a mask (maybe I can get some color-coordinated to my outfits…though the standard blue will  bring out the seagreen in my eyes.) Maybe I’ll wear plastic gloves as well, and perhaps my publicist can spray and wipe the books before I sign them.

could just order an infectious disease headgear..you know the ones that look like deep-sea diving helmets, with the glass in the front and an oxygen tank on the back. It would probably set me back a pretty penny. But, hey, I’d be helping the economy and something like that’s bound to be tax deductible.

Oh, and instead of offering unhygienic dishes of candy to my fans, perhaps I can find individually-wrapped Vitamin C tablets…or little bottles of Echinacea.

Or maybe I’ll just invite book lovers over to my house, and after they’ve passed through my disinfectant detoxification shower, I can have my lookalike robot hand them already-signed books….inscribed “with love…forget the kisses.”

By Allia Zobel Nolan
Author of THE WORRYWART’S PRAYER BOOK,
PURR MORE,  HISS LESS
Thank you Allia!

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Comments (4)

4 Comments »

    Bravo, this excellent idea is necessary just by the way Wanna very nice joke?)) What is the difference between a photocopier and the whooping cough? One makes facsimiles and the other makes sick families. cilias online Idaho

    Comment by MiloGUMarch 10, 2010 @ 11:22 pm

    Thank you representing details. It helped me in my assignment

    Comment by zereelultNovember 25, 2009 @ 7:53 pm

    Allia, loved your rant! Saw my first blue mask at baggage claim at Oakland’s airport yesterday. Thought of taking a picture to mark the beginning of the new fashion trend; photo of the trendsetter, surrounded by those of us not yet in Vogue. Love the way the lemmings congregate or scatter depending on what the “news”readers utter, determined by someone(?) as worthy of our collective ears. Today swine flu–no that’s bad for the pork industry—it has been renamed as H1N1 (or N1H1) here in California; I’m sure we’ll all have the re-named flu’s letter/number designation inlaid into the limited crevices of our gray matter by tomorrow—when there will be something else to worry about.

    Comment by Nancy MosconeMay 2, 2009 @ 5:07 pm

    So, Allia, how can you always manage to make something difficult hilariously funny? I have to differ with you on one point, however. I don’t think the blue gloves and masks hold a candle to the royal purple one they use at my HMO. They are so gorgeous I almost want to get sick. I don’t love them enough to suffer through the swine flu, however.

    Comment by Jeannie St. John TaylorApril 29, 2009 @ 10:36 am

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